Today was not a good day.

Today did not feel like a good day to me. Stress and anxiety and just feeling blah were on me heavily. I kept feeling this pressure, maybe Satan's hand, pushing down on me. I want to run away and smell the rain and woodsmoke. Walk on trails and hear the wind, the birds, the streams.
Nature is calling me away from this silly house in the city. I'm starting to detest it. And my girls are stuck here with me. I keep imagining them growing up on San Juan Island, being a part of something, calling themselves "islanders" and going to the "mainland". I want them to grow up with some community behind them, with people they know who live down the road, they'll know everyone's name at school and the whole town! They'll get to be outside in the beauty and serenity of nature, and see it's tempestuous nature when they look out at the ocean.
I pray every night for a way to get them somewhere wonderful like that island. It's hard for me to find much beauty here where I am. I am hopeful, as always.
At least I was able to take Darcy out on a walk into the foothills a bit this evening. I got to feel the rain and see the beautiful mountains, and smell the freshness. I love rain and the smell of it on dirt and trees etc. She loved it too. She fell asleep on the way back.
I was less burdened when I got back home.
Look at that precious, gorgeous little girl in the picture below. It's so hard to accept that she's gone from this earth. It makes me nervous. I certainly don't want to worry about my little ones all day, but they can be gone so quickly. I have to remember to enjoy every moment, and love them every second, and not let life get in the way of living. (I also saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button yesterday and I think it made me sad, but it's SO worth seeing, just to open our eyes to how quickly life passes and what we do with it.) And just have faith. Faith helps.
But I can tell, today was not a good day.

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful post Sarah. You are a lovely writer. I so understand what you wrote about the need for being in nature, the smell of rain and dirt, and how to hold on to every moment. I came away from Benjamin Button with the same feeling. That movie, and this post, are both such good reminders to "carpe diem."